Jokes Page One


This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing. About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "hey, how the heck are you doing that?!" The first guy responds, "oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk." "WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below. The bartender looks over to the first man and says, "Superman, you're an asshole when you're drunk."


Frank and Joe were driving around one night drinking beer. Frank looked in his rear-view mirror and saw a cop behind them with his lights on. Frank begins to pull the car off on the shoulder and says to Joe, "Let me do all the talking. You keep quiet. Now take the label off your beer bottle and stick it to your forehead and stick the bottle under the seat, ok?" The officer approaches the car and says, "Have you two been drinking tonight. You were swerving all over the road back there." Frank replies, "No officer, we haven't been drinking." The officer replies again, "Are you sure you haven't been drinking." Frank replies again, "No officer we haven't been drinking." The officer replies once again, "You haven't been drinking?" "No," Frank replies. "I have one final question for you then," says the officer, "What is that on your forehead?" Frank replies, "Officer we're alcoholics and on the patch."


Two young fellows decided to open a microbrewery in the foothills. After several years of careful work they produced a product with a golden strawlike color and a good strong flavor of hops. They sent it to the chemical lab at the State Department of Food Safety and after waiting impatiently for three weeks the lab analysis came back, stating, "Dear Sir: Our analysis of the sample sent to us indicates that your horse has diabetes."


The Indian scout for the buffalo hunters, searching for the buffalo herd, put his ear to the ground. "Ugg", he says, "Deer come!". "How the heck can you tell that?" asked one of the hunters. The scout answered, "Ear sticky."


An indian walks into a saloon dressed like a cowboy. He goes up to the bar looks at the bartender and says, " Me wantum beer." So the bartender gives him a beer. He drinks it. Goes into the bathroom, pulls out his six-shooter, shoots the toilet, walks back out, grabs a bag, opens it and pulls out a cat, and takes a bite out of it. The bartender looks at him and says, " Son, what in the sam hell are you doing?" The indian replied, " Me beum like the white man. Drink beer, shoot shit, and eat pussy."


A white man, a black man, and a mexican are walking on a beach. One man spots an old oil lamp, picks it up and rubs it. A genie appears and says since there is three of them they only get one wish. The black man thinks and says, "I wish that me and all the other blacks in America will be sent home to the native land of Africa." The genie grants his wish and he and all the blacks are gone. The mexican says yeah that's a good idea so he wishes the same thing but for all the mexican's. The genie ask the white man if he would like something similiar to the other two. The man replies, "NO, I'll just have a beer it doesn't get much better than this.

Better Just a Joke II

A man walks into a bar with an alligator under his arm. He sits down on a stool and puts the alligator on the bar. After calling the bartender over he asks, " Do you serve niggers here?". The bartender replies," Yes we do. This is an equal opportunity bar and Iwish you wouldn't use that term" To which the patron replies, "Good. I'll have a beer and my alligator here will have a nigger."

A Piece of String

A piece of string walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says that he cannot serve a piece of string. The piece of string moves on to the next bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says that he cannot serve a piece of string. The piece of string, rather upset with its situation, begins to twist and turn itself into various positions and starts pulling at its ends. He asks the bartender again, for a beer. The bartender replies that he cannot serve a piece of string. the piece of string replies " I'm a frayed knot "

Beer on The Job

While most companies refrain from allowing consumption of alcohol on the premises, there are some arguments for changing that policy.

Reasons for allowing drinking at work include:

1. It's an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communications.

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8. It encourages carpooling.

9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

15. Suddenly, farting during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.

16. No one will remember your strip act at the Christmas Party.

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